SO LONG, AND THANKS FOR ALL OF THE FISH

Regular readers will recall that one month ago, I challenged myself to come up with a reason for having this blog, or to call it quits. Well folks, the month has passed and I haven't come up with squat.

I have done a lot thinking though, and I've learned a fair amount about myself. I realize that I need an outlet like this, but that therapy or a greater willingness to communicate with OBO (whose name is really "Jay," I might add) is probably more appropriate than a blog. Coming to terms with the kinds of anxieties and issues that I have in a blog like this is not necessarily inappropriate, but it strikes me as self-indulgent and at its very best incredibly boring reading for those of you who happen to stumble across it.

I started this blog nine months ago as a way to chart my progress on my dissertation and to vent my frustrations about that effort. As such, it was incredibly successful. You have no idea how many times I was compelled to write simply so that I could update my word and page counts. I blush with pride when I read even the most pathetic entries from last summer and fall. To me, this part of the blog is an incredible read, because it reminds me that I actually can overcome my self-doubt.

However, I can't say that for the last month or two of this blog. Yes, I will always tear up reading about Murphy's death, and I'll always be able to remember my New Year's Resolutions simply because they are on-line for all of the world to read. But these things do not a blog make, not even one intended for exactly one person.

I'm saddened to learn that I am in good company when it comes to this decision. Actually, I don't really count myself in Tin Man's company, but I completely understand his decision. As I put it in an e-mail to him, blogs are kind of like therapy: When they've got a purpose to serve, they're invaluable, but once they've served that purpose, you eventually have to call it quits and get on with your life.

I have great respect for the blogging "community" and the whole idea of blogging. It's yet another way for people to connect with each other, even if those connections are based on little else than a lack of fear of HTML. I'm all for people making connections, and I suspect that I will always include a bit of blog reading in my daily routine.

I'm not planning to delete or otherwise remove this blog from blogspot, so as long as they're willing to host it, it will be here. I'll print a copy (how 20th Century is that?!) for my own records Of course, I don't expect anyone to read it, but if some ABD-in-need comes across it and is inspired to start their own blog and finish their languishing dissertation work...well, that would be great! If that's you, feel free to drop me a note if you'd like a more candid discussion of what I've been through and what I was able to do.

If however, this blog gets lost in the deluge of digital chaos we call the Internet, I won't be offended or hurt or feel like it was a total waste of time. My completed dissertation is proof that it wasn't. But it's time to move on.

Peace.

MY FINAL WEEK?

Well folks, we're down to the final few days before the big "kill it or fix it" decision. So far, it's looking like "kill it" is going to prevail, although I suspect "let it languish on the vine" is probably how I'll actually handle the demise of this, the most unfabulous of blogs. Boring to the bitter end.

Just so that this isn't yet another post about how I have nothing to post, some news from the boring life of Mark:

* I shipped my revised dissertation back to the thesis editor on Friday. This may be it, folks! Then again, it may just be the first round of many.

* The 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City are actually happening, and what's more, the Opening Ceremony didn't suck! My OC party was pretty fun, too.

* I completed my first DHTML tutorial, and am now ready to get to work on my office's website. Yeah...right!

* Princess' visit is exactly half way over and we still haven't done one-quarter of the things we said that we were going to do while she was here. Figures.

B'deah, b'deah, b'deah....That's all folks!

Peace.

WHAT'S YOUR DAMAGE HEATHER?!

Sorry for the week of silence. I haven't really thought much about this blog, and haven't really had a lot to say.

Not that it hasn't been a busy week. I've been busy with my dissertation revisions. In fact, I think I'm done (!) and am planning to send my hopefully final draft off tomorrow or Monday. Princess has been here for a week, and we've been having fun. Work has been crazy...really. We're getting ready for a Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony party tomorrow night...much food and drink and many good friends. I've been swimming four times this week and am officially 1/10th of the way to my 150-mile goal for the year. In short, life is good, if a teensy bit hectic.

I've realized that, after five very chaotic and wearying years of life, starting with the break-up of my last long-term relationship (January 1997) and concluding right about now, I'm a very happy, well-adjusted person. I'm also pretty damned boring person. I like it that way, but it may mean that I don't have a lot of material for a blog.

I'm still not sure where this blog is going, or if it should simply go away. I'll leave it on life support for a little while longer, but my one-month deadline is coming up fast, and I have no intention of extending it.

I suspect it won't matter much.

Peace.

MURPHY A., 6/19/1989 - 1/31/2002

We "put him down" last night. Very sad, but given how much his condition had deteriorated, very necessary.

I'm doing alright now, but I was a mess at the vet's office, even more so than I thought I would be. OBO was pretty bad off, too, and is taking the day off today. I'm sure he's going to need some time. We all will. Murphy was quite a dog.

I'm really not a "dog person," but I really was taken by Murphy. He was such a happy creature, and was a very good reminder that a good meal, a few tame adventures and a lot of love is all that one needs to lead a happy life.

I will miss him a great deal.

Peace.

GIVE 'EM WHAT THEY WANT!

A good friend put it bluntly: No one wants to read a stranger whining about his mundane life. Okay, I paraphrased, and he wasn't talking about me, per se. Still, it does make me think.

That's not to say that there hasn't been a lot of whining going on. Frankly, I think the whole blogging community (if there is such a thing) has been stricken with whine-itis...myself included (in the whine-itis, that is...certainly not the blogging community).

I know that I've given myself until the 15th to figure this blog out, but I don't know that I'm going to take that long. I'm not going to do anything rash, but at a minimum, I'm probably going to change the status of this blog from public to private. Frankly, I need a place to whine, even now that my dissertation is (almost) done. I suppose I should have a diary somewhere, but then I guess I do have a diary somewhere. It's just that I keep trying to call it a blog, which it is apparently not.

I'm going to give it a couple of days, but don't be surprised if utmaninva.blogspot.com goes away. Not that anyone will notice...and that suits me just fine.

Peace.

LOW...BUT HOLDING

It's Monday again, and no real good news to report. Murphy has stabilized, but he's still very sick and clearly not long for this world. OBO and I have to make arrangments for getting the car fixed this week. And our friend, the one whose father died, should be back in town today or tomorrow. Things will get better, just slowly...with the exception of Murphy, that is. With him, it's just a matter of time.

My web work was well-received, but only because the people in my office are so indifferent to the whole thing. It's ugly and it's very unsophisticated, yet they acted like it was the neatest thing they had ever seen, just so that I'd go away. I won't take credit for the visual design -- my boss did that -- and I don't feel bad about the lack of bells and whistles -- there's no reason to put much effort into the whole project if people don't/won't appreciate it.

One bit of noteworthy news: I heard back from the thesis editor, and boy-oh-boy do I have a lot of editing to do. I feel like a 10th Grader getting his term paper back. Most of it is pretty straightforward, but a lot of it is going to be a nightmare to implement. I'm glad I know the extent of what work remains, but I'm more than a little humbled and rather irritated by the whole process. At this point in my life, do I really need someone to tell me to use "numerous" instead of "a number of?"

One bright spot on the horizon: Princess arrives tomorrow for her nearly four-week visit. Much fun to be had and many projects to finish. I'm looking forward to her visit for many reasons, but one of them is that I know the time will fly and that by the time she leaves, the majority of February will be behind us and spring won't be that far off.

Maybe I'm making too much of the fact that it is winter, but I'm ready for flowers and sunshine.

Peace.

IN THREES

Let's just hope the saying is true, because the third bit of really bad news was just delivered: My friend's father passed away last night. Add that to Murphy's terminal cancer and OBO car wreck, and you've got three. I'm not particularly superstitious, but I am ready for the pall that seems to be cast over my life to go away.

Other than the damage to the car, there appears to be little else bad that came of the car wreck. OBO seems to be alright, and Son seems completely unfazed. The situation with Murphy isn't quite so rosy, but it appears that he will live a little longer, but not much longer. We've start a regimen of steroids that should make him more comfortable, but it appears that we are going to forego chemotherapy. It's probably better that way.

My big hairy project seems to be on track for its intraoffice unveiling tomorrow. As projects go, it's really rather silly: a dozen or so web pages with absolutely no Javascripting or other fancy stuff. The hard part has been getting information out of people. I've no doubt that my work will get shredded by my colleagues, but I figure that's part of the process. Thank God for thick skin.

Despite the sad news, I'm in pretty good spirits. I've been swimming four times this week, bringing my year-to-date total to 10 miles...only 140+ more to go!

Keep your fingers crossed that the bad news ends with this latest and saddest turn of events.

Peace.